Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

Today would have been your 65th birthday, and to be honest…I am struggling.

For some reason, the fact that you never made it to 65 makes me so angry. You got to retire early, which was great for you, but you never made it to the “retirement” age just kills me. You have missed so much between the kids growing up and life. So many times, I have wanted to call you to update you on everything, to ask you questions, or to get your advice on things, and then I remember that I can’t. This year, I think, is especially hard. Last month, Grandma officially went away for 20 years. Your 65th birthday is today, and in just 9 days, Pappap will also be gone for 20 years. You just had to join the trend, didn’t you? Losing your mom in October, then your dad in November, so of course, you had to join them in December.
You know I haven’t played chess in 20 years now since grandma passed? Want to know why I bring this up? Because the last Christmas gift you gave me was a chess set. I got it after Christmas; unfortunately, you did not give it to me. I got it after your funeral. I wish you would have given it to me because maybe, just maybe, you could have helped me start over. Since Grandma taught me to play, thinking of playing without her has always felt weird. But you had to have that as your final Christmas gift to me, and it’s been sitting on my dresser since then. I finally feel good enough to play again, but it’s been so long I am not sure I will be any good, but I will try.

I miss you, Dad. I have been missing you since you left, but this time of year always worsens it. Between your birthday, your death date, and Grandma and Papa’s death date, it’s just made this time of year a struggle when it’s supposed to be a happy time. I always try to stay positive for the kids because you would hate seeing me moping around. I love you, Dad.

PS. I want to let you know I am keeping up with our tradition 🙂 We are having French toast for dinner tonight in your honor.

Love your daughter,

Holli