The Loss Of A Parent.

The Loss of a parent.

Last week my husband suffered the loss of a parent. On Thursday August 3rd 2017 at 8:28pm my father in law took his last breath after fighting a long time with congestive heart failure. It wasn’t sudden as he had been on hospice since right after Easter, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I am not one to handle death well, never had been. And I tried so hard to be strong for my husband but it felt impossible. I had just gotten dropped off from spending the day with my mom when we got the news. Gave her a call and told her to turn around as we needed someone to watch Ella while we went to the nursing home to see Dad one last time.

I didn’t know what to do. I tried to put up a front, so I could comfort Johnny but it wasn’t working. I’m an emotional person so the emotions come out whenever. It doesn’t help that at the moment I was between medicine for my depression so my moods were all out of wack. Close family came before the funeral home came and picked him up. I’ve never been in this situation seeing someone after they passed like this. I mean Ive been to many viewings never really able to go up and see as I always broke down. Dad just looked like he was sleeping and would wake up at any second to crack a joke or yell at everyone for crying.

Ella and Papa

I am glad my daughter is so young. I couldn’t have told her her papa was gone and wouldn’t be coming home. She grew up with him around till he went to the nursing home. They ate cheetos together and cheese puff balls and other things they would spend a lot of mornings together munching on different foods.  Ella was papas favorite little girl. She even knew who it was when we would visit. She would want to get out of her stroller and crawl into the hospital bed with him.

I remember when he was in the one nursing home where they had tvs for each bed she would crawl up and cuddle with him. He would turn it to cartoons even if the news was on. He would sneak cookies he wasn’t allowed to have. Just so he would have something to give her when she came and visited. They were best buds. I think I may ask my family to write little stories of Ella and papas time together. Just so she has something to remember him.


This is the last photo we have of them together.

He was a wonderful grandfather to Ella, and he will be missed. Rest in peace Dad hope you are having fun being couch buddies with Brit

What The Doctors Never Told Me

When you are pregnant with your first child it can be scary enough, but when that child you are carrying has something “wrong” with them makes it even worse.

Now I put the word “wrong” in quotes because there is nothing wrong with my daughter, but that’s how the doctors acted. I was about 12 weeks pregnant with my daughter when I got the phone call (yes a phone call) that the MaterniT21  showed that the baby that I was carrying, My baby, would be born with Trisomy 21 or in other words Down Syndrome. They then set up the appointment to discuss our “options”. Now what is the first thing you think of when you hear the words options while you are pregnant…yep that was the first option they gave us. Abortion, amnio or proceed with the pregnancy like normal. Of course we chose to proceed like normal, and they proceeded to tell us all the things that could go wrong.

Things that COULD go wrong

Heart issues

Intellectual delays

Not amounting to much

The list goes on and on. See the thing is most doctors only see what could go wrong. They never tell you what could go right.

They never tell you that that little one will be the best thing that ever came into your life. That their smile is contagious and can light up a room and take all your cares away. They don’t tell you of the family you gain when having a child with Down Syndrome. The support you get when things go wrong and the joy you share when things go right. You become part of a community that no matter what they have your back. You have questions don’t be afraid to ask cause well hey they have been through it.  They don’t tell what beautiful, fun, and loving human beings they can be.

When you go into that appointment don’t dwell on what the doctors tell you could go wrong…Just remember all the things that could and WILL go right.