The Loss Of A Parent.

The Loss of a parent.

Last week my husband suffered the loss of a parent. On Thursday August 3rd 2017 at 8:28pm my father in law took his last breath after fighting a long time with congestive heart failure. It wasn’t sudden as he had been on hospice since right after Easter, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I am not one to handle death well, never had been. And I tried so hard to be strong for my husband but it felt impossible. I had just gotten dropped off from spending the day with my mom when we got the news. Gave her a call and told her to turn around as we needed someone to watch Ella while we went to the nursing home to see Dad one last time.

I didn’t know what to do. I tried to put up a front, so I could comfort Johnny but it wasn’t working. I’m an emotional person so the emotions come out whenever. It doesn’t help that at the moment I was between medicine for my depression so my moods were all out of wack. Close family came before the funeral home came and picked him up. I’ve never been in this situation seeing someone after they passed like this. I mean Ive been to many viewings never really able to go up and see as I always broke down. Dad just looked like he was sleeping and would wake up at any second to crack a joke or yell at everyone for crying.

Ella and Papa

I am glad my daughter is so young. I couldn’t have told her her papa was gone and wouldn’t be coming home. She grew up with him around till he went to the nursing home. They ate cheetos together and cheese puff balls and other things they would spend a lot of mornings together munching on different foods.  Ella was papas favorite little girl. She even knew who it was when we would visit. She would want to get out of her stroller and crawl into the hospital bed with him.

I remember when he was in the one nursing home where they had tvs for each bed she would crawl up and cuddle with him. He would turn it to cartoons even if the news was on. He would sneak cookies he wasn’t allowed to have. Just so he would have something to give her when she came and visited. They were best buds. I think I may ask my family to write little stories of Ella and papas time together. Just so she has something to remember him.

 

This is the last photo we have of them together.

He was a wonderful grandfather to Ella, and he will be missed. Rest in peace Dad hope you are having fun being couch buddies with Brit

Living With Depression During the Winter Blues

Depression sucks especially during the winter when the winter Blues hit.

Everyone has heard of the winter blues, and I am sure everyone gets them at some point. When you live with depression, its life a constant state of winter blues. This year winter has been especially hard, with lack of finances and losing a loved one.

This year my husband spent a while looking for a job after loosing his back in may. It took him about 5 months to find another job, so it hit us hard financially.

When Christmas came around we could barely afford presents for our daughter. Thankfully we were able to get enough and also a nice church donated some toys for her. I found a Cozy Coup cars at a swap meet. fixed it up by painting it lilac and plum. Even though we were able to get her presents doesn’t mean that I didn’t spend a lot of time feeling depressed. I sat there when we went to different family Christmas parties and watched Ella opening presents from everyone knowing we as her parents weren’t able to give her as many gifts as we wanted. It is sad how Christmas has become very materialistic. At least Ella is only 2.5 and won’t remember this year much.

Loosing  a Fur Baby is hard.

To add to it, on the Monday before Christmas my roughly 10 year old puppy passed away after being sick for a while. I was going to put her to sleep in November but she then started acting better so I thought that maybe she was just sick and finally felt better. She was walking better and even was able to go outside. Then on Monday she fell asleep and didn’t wake back up. I have been devastated ever since. She was my baby before Ella.  It was so hard I cried for two days straight. Thankfully Johnny was off so I could take some time to breathe and he watched Ella. Sometime maybe next year we will add another furbaby to the mix, maybe even siblings for Ella and I.

Brit 2007-2016

Have you ever dealt with the winter blues or loosing a furbaby? Send me a reply, how long did it take you to get over it?