Dear Disney Junior…..Thank You

Dear Disney Junior…..THANK YOU.

Dear Disney Junior, as I sit here watching Doc Mcstuffins for the upteen billionth time, I come to the realization this is such an amazing show, especially when you have a medically fragile child. Okay my daughter is only three so she doesn’t fully understand the whole concept. Though i know when she is older it will probably help her out more then you realize. Now that you even came up with the Toy Hospital concept it makes it even better. My daughter Ella is going to be having yet another surgery in a few weeks. Even though its just dental surgery to get some teeth removed but still she’ll be put under. She Has Down Syndrome, AVSD (Repaired), and sleep apnea, as a mom I’m always scared when she gets put under.

How the show can help and is helping children.

Okay so back to the show, I love the episode that has Niki Nickleson going to the ER for the 1st time. It also shows how different machines work and how they can help show what is wrong. I mean in the one episode where Willow Whiskers needs a C.A.T scan Doc even tells her what it means. It also helps showing how Stuffy was scared of the ambulance, yet that emt was so helpful and kind. How awesome is that.  It will help kids understand that its okay to be scared, but the doctors, nurses, emts and other medical personnel are there to help you. I can go on and on about how that show shows kids that even though hospitals and doctors look scary they are there to help you feel better

Ella has been in the hospital multiple times, has had multiple surgeries and still goes to so many Dr. Appointments. She will probably have more in her future, but as a little kid she doesn’t understand. Though I am so thankful for this show growing up watching this show I know she will learn that its okay. So again thank you Disney Junior and creator Chris Nee for this show, because this show is such a blessing in our lives. And the lives of families of medically fragile children.




*I do not own this photo*

What Is Financial Peace???

What is Financial Peace??? And Where the heck do I find it???

So last year I started trying to follow Dave Ramsey and he talks a lot about financial peace. You know the whole live debt free, or as he likes to say “If you live like no one else, then you can live like no one else”.  I have such a hard time trying to follow that. Not saying it’s a hard method to follow its just hard to follow when the money isn’t coming in.

My husband got laid off the week before Christmas and has yet to find another job. So I went out and applied to be a substitute teacher and finally after all the clearances and training I can finally start. Now since I can’t guarantee that I will be getting a that many jobs tomorrow I am going out and applying at a local bar/restaurant to try and be a waitress. I have never done that before but I am just trying to make a bit of money. Like I said in a previous post I am scared, anxious and not looking forward to it. I hate the thought of leaving Ella. Hell even leaving the house sometimes scares the crap out of me. But sometimes you just have to fight yourself to get done what needs done. That struggle isn’t an easy one at all.

How I got in this mess.

Everyone has their stupidities right? Well when I was in college, I was determined to build my credit up so when I graduated I could move out of my moms. I got my first credit card during college, it was a chase card with a basic $300 dollar limit. That wasn’t the only one. I then got 3 more which wouldn’t have been all that bad if I stuck to my original plan. Buy something small then pay it off in full every month. Well things came up (don’t they always) and I spent more then I wanted to.

First I got my ex a new phone and put him on my cell phone plan and got a wedding band for him since we were engaged. Then I had friends who were in a rough spot so i felt the need to help them with the thought of them paying me back when they could. You can see where this is heading right. All I wanted to do was help people and that’s what I did. To be honest I was still doing fine, or so I thought. Then the New Years Eve before we were going to get married…my ex broke up with me. Since he was on my cell phone plan he said he would help pay for it, and I believed him.

Well he never did, so I canceled his phone. Because it was under contract, I had to pay a cancellation fee then also pay for the phone. So all in all that cost around a grand…

Then I went on my internship that I needed to graduate college, so I didn’t work for a long time and things fell behind and everything started going downhill. I never recovered.

How I plan on getting peace for our family.

That was 5 years ago so as you can imagine interest, collections…and then student loans came into play also. Anyways…Now that the back story is done and over with let’s turn this over to positivity ok…Ok 🙂

So as I stated earlier I currently am a sub for our local school district. Tomorrow I have an interview at the bar/restaurant and hopefully it goes well. It is killing me inside doing this but I am determined to get at least non student loans paid off this year. I am starting with the Dave Ramsey 7 baby steps. For those who don’t know what those are they go as followed:

  • $1,000 to start an Emergency Fund
  • Pay off all debt using the Debt Snowball
  •  3 to 6 months of expenses in savings
  • Invest 15% of household income into Roth IRAs and pre-tax retirement
  • College funding for children
  • Pay off home early
  • Build wealth and give!

I feel bad for my husband seeing as 95% of our family debt is unfortunately mine. Thankfully he understands ya know things happen and such. I just wish I didn’t have all of this debt in the first place. I know I cannot change the past but I know that with work I can change the future. As a child who grew up in poverty, I don’t want my daughter to grow up like that. Thankfully she is young enough to not really realize what is going on so I am hoping by that time we are in a better place and more financially stable. I just hope it doesn’t take long…or that my anxiety and depression can be kept in check so I can deal with it all.

Well that’s all for now. Thanks for reading 🙂

I Am Going Back To Work

Am I seriously going back to work???

Yep I am…how do I feel about it? Well not to great to be honest. I am freaking out. I haven’t worked in almost 3 years. And to be honest I really don’t wanna go back but in order to get our finances in order this is something I have to do. What am I doing you might ask? Well I have decided to put my degree to use and do something that needs a degree. I am going to be a substitute teacher for our local schools. I am starting out as a substitute for the IU. Which for those who don’t know what that is, it is the Intermediate Unit which are classes in local schools for special needs students.

Am I nervous???

HECK YEAH…Tuesday next week is my observation day and I am a nervous wreck. Not because I am leaving Ella, because my husband will be home with her, but I am nervous to fail. Having really bad anxiety stupid me decided to go do something that requires me to stand in front of a classroom. I have taught before, not in a school setting though. I taught as an intern at a photography studio that also taught classes. That wasn’t to hard but it was also something I knew a lot about.

Now starting out I am going into the local Elementary School and I will go from there. I figure as I have also helped with bible study at church and babysat the kids that the younger kids would be an easy start. One thing I am excited about though is working with kids with special needs. As a mom with a little girl with special needs herself, helping others with disabilities makes my heart fill with joy. Also I enjoy the fact that I can work as little or as much as I want. As a mama to a daughter with special needs that is crucial, it will also help with my anxiety I hope. Today my little sister got me a new lunch box and a whole thing of pens, markers, pencils and such and it all became so real. I start next week.

So if everyone could say a little prayer for me I would very much appreciate it. I plan on updating my teaching story as I go on, so I hope you follow along 🙂

Physical Health Update #1

Here is my physical health update #1

So this year I am determined to get healthier as stated in my previous posts. It is currently slow going but i do wanna say what has been going on the last 2 weeks.

Eating and Drinking Better.

So one thing that I have been trying to do is drink more water. And so far I have been doing pretty good. It may be slow but hey Rome wasn’t built in a day right? But back to the water, every day at breakfast I have been drinking 1 16.9 bottle of water. Now in those 2 weeks I have only missed 2 days for me that is amazing. Now I have read that you want to drink half your weight in oz a day. Take me for example I weigh 145 so that is about 72.50 lbs so I should drink about 72.50 oz of water a day, which if I drink 16.9 oz bottles of water i would need roughly 4 bottles of water a day.

Now that I have gotten into the habit of drinking a bottle of water at breakfast, I am going to try to start drinking 1 at breakfast and 1 at dinner. So I am thinking that now every 2 weeks I am gonna try to add something to it.

Exercise More

Now when it comes to the exercise part of it…that is a little tougher. I will admit I have at least starting fewer naps which is a huge plus. When I usually take a nap I now use that time to do something for myself. Mostly look at pinterest or catching up on shows that I can’t watch when Ella is awake. Once It’s warmer, which I cannot wait till it is, I plan on taking walks up and down our road. I have been doing some stuff more at a stable I work at when they need me. Which includes cleaning stalls and such so it is more physically taxing from what I usually do.

Gonna get going as little miss is waking up. Thanks for reading 🙂

New Year New Me Physical Health Day 1

New Year New Me Physical Health Starting Right In 2017
OK Starting Slowly

Alright everyone here it is January 1st, the start of the new year. Where usually all good intentions come to die hehe. You know the resolutions that everyone says they are going to start the very 1st day of the year but end up putting it off and putting it off till the next year comes around. Well this year is not like the last…I hope. Maybe doing this blog will help me stay focused, maybe it wont who knows. With God, and all of you of course, as my witnesses I am surely gonna try. So how did day 1 go you may ask.

Well today I got up and ate a bowl of cereal…alright it was cookie crisps but hey its a slow start. So my day didn’t go as planned but I still did more then I thought. I get why people who have New Years resolutions have a hard time starting on day 1. You stay up late on New Years Eve to watch the ball drop and bring in the new year with family and friends then when you finally hit the pillow its 3am. The late night brings a late morning the next day. Or in my case I went to bed at 3 and woke up at 7 because Ella was ready for the day. I was so tired that I ended up taking a nap when she did. Which mad the idea of exercising for the day go out the window.

What I did do.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t do anything though. I am currently still drinking my only pop of the day. I drank half, put it in the fridge, then had a bottle of water. Not all of you know me personally but if you did you would know that is a feet in itself. I hate water so much that sometimes it makes me sick to my stomach. I even bought water infusers to drink more water last year, but then I got lazy and stopped…unfortunately.

What else did I do today? Well I weighed myself and took my initial measurements.

Just so you know I took these mostly myself  so they may not be 100% accurate but they are pretty dang close, also sorry if you don’t understand what they mean it seemed to of squished some of them close when I took the screen shot. (I did make a blank copy for anyone who would like their own.)

Now if you are wondering where I got these measurement ideas from I found this picture on google and thought it would be a good one to follow. AGAIN PLEASE NOTE I DID NOT MAKE THIS.

Beginning photo (Note: wont do a photo every week maybe once a month or once every 6 months)

So here it is Day 1. I thank y’all for following my journey, and keeping me accountable. I am gonna post once a week of progress and failures, because everything has its ups and downs. I am gonna find days during the week to post about my other resolutions but Sundays are for this.


Reflections Of 2016, The Good, Bad & The Ugly

As the year comes to a close her are my reflections of 2016.

This year has brought heartache, love, worries, and joy. As I sit here watching my daughter play with my brother in laws puppy I can’t help but remember how this year went. Its 6 right now as I start writing this only 6 more hours left of the year to write down my reflections

The Ugly and Bad

I started this year all planned to budget and be financially stable, but come March I lost all interest. When March came around Ella got really sick and on my birthday we had to take her to the ER due to high fever. Later that day we found out she had RSV and she had to be admitted. We spent a whole week there and I didn’t leave her side. Her heart rate was out of wack and so was her O2 saturations throughout the week. I, being a concerned special needs mama called all of her  specialist to just make sure everything was okay. It was just the RSV running its course. Once she was healthy enough to come home I lost all focus of my new years resolutions and just focused on Ella. She is fine now obviously but still scared me.

This was Ella during her hospital stay this year.
Even when sick her smile never leaves.

Then May came around my husband lost his job which was absolutely devastating. What were we gonna do I was a stay at home mom, he was our only source of income. Thankfully we were able to budget and learn to live within our means and make it through. It was hard but we made it. That’s why this year we are sticking to a budget and learning to save. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Then as my previous post I lost my fur baby Brit the Monday before Christmas. Currently I am having some issues cause my brother in laws puppy looks a lot like her. Maybe this year we will get 2 more puppies one for me and one for Ella 🙂

The Good

This year we had a lot of ugly and bad things happen to our family but we also had a lot of good things happen to us too. My husband was able to get not one but 2 jobs which helped us out a lot. Ella got to go to yearly visits for Cardiology and Pulmonology. She also doesn’t need to have another sleep study for a year. I will write about her next one cause it is NOT a pretty sight lol. I also got a job…though I don’t really want to leave Ella. She is starting Preschool soon and the job I got will be good for me.

I got a job as a substitute teacher, which means I can work as much or as little as I want. With my anxiety I am petrified to leave Ella. When I am away from her I always get anxious. This job will let me start out small and work my way up. I haven’t worked since 4 days before Ella was born. That was over 2.5 years ago, so thankfully with this slow start my anxiety won’t be to bad.

Well family is starting to come so I should probably go. Have a safe and Happy New Years Eve. If you are drinking tonight please please PLEASE have a dd or call a cab.

New Years Resolutions

Everyone has New Years Resolutions right?

Well here are some of mine and why its important.

  1. Become More Physically Healthy
    • Eat Better- Right now I eat like I don’t care. I have an issue drinking water and I know that is something needed every day.
    • Exercise more- I am always tired so I spend most of my time inside on the couch or playing with Ella. Unfortunately I don’t usually have the energy to play. I have heard that if you exercise more you get more energy so I am hoping that it will help
    • Loose a little weight- Before I had Ella I weighed about 115 now I weigh about 150 now that wouldn’t be bad if it was muscle weight but its definitely not so i’m hopefully gonna try to build muscle and loose fat what everyone hopes to do
  2. Become More Mentally Healthy
    • I have Depression and anxiety so this year I am going to try to do things for me. Every week take a mental health day to reflect on the week and to see what I can do to relieve stress, anxiety and depressive episodes
    • Start learning yoga and Meditation. I have downloaded apps and looked on pinterest to find good beginning yoga poses for well beginners.
  3. Become Financially Stable
    • This past year my husband lost his job. It took about 6 months to find another one so we fell behind on bills and such. It was hard, but this coming year I have a job and so does he 🙂
    • This year I want to be able to pay down debt. I am hoping to pay off everything that isn’t student loan debts and if we finish that at a decent time I am hoping to go full speed to pay those down.
    • Stick to a budget…. it is so hard to do that when your brain wants to be in 50 million places at once. So I am hoping to keep it straight and such I can do that right? YES I CAN (gotta start on positive side)
  4. Become More Organized
    • I am very organized in my head, not my thoughts but of how I can be organized. I have so many ideas to stay organized but when people come around and then mess things up I start feeling like a failure and give up. Well this year I am determined to not let that get to me and continue to be organized.
    • I will clean out/off my desk and continue to keep it clean all year. I will make that my space to organize my thoughts and such at the end of everyday to help with not becoming overwhelmed.


I may add more but right now this seems like a good starter.


What are some of your New Years Resolutions?

Living With Depression During the Winter Blues

Depression sucks especially during the winter when the winter Blues hit.

Everyone has heard of the winter blues, and I am sure everyone gets them at some point. When you live with depression, its life a constant state of winter blues. This year winter has been especially hard, with lack of finances and losing a loved one.

This year my husband spent a while looking for a job after loosing his back in may. It took him about 5 months to find another job, so it hit us hard financially.

When Christmas came around we could barely afford presents for our daughter. Thankfully we were able to get enough and also a nice church donated some toys for her. I found a Cozy Coup cars at a swap meet. fixed it up by painting it lilac and plum. Even though we were able to get her presents doesn’t mean that I didn’t spend a lot of time feeling depressed. I sat there when we went to different family Christmas parties and watched Ella opening presents from everyone knowing we as her parents weren’t able to give her as many gifts as we wanted. It is sad how Christmas has become very materialistic. At least Ella is only 2.5 and won’t remember this year much.

Loosing  a Fur Baby is hard.

To add to it, on the Monday before Christmas my roughly 10 year old puppy passed away after being sick for a while. I was going to put her to sleep in November but she then started acting better so I thought that maybe she was just sick and finally felt better. She was walking better and even was able to go outside. Then on Monday she fell asleep and didn’t wake back up. I have been devastated ever since. She was my baby before Ella.  It was so hard I cried for two days straight. Thankfully Johnny was off so I could take some time to breathe and he watched Ella. Sometime maybe next year we will add another furbaby to the mix, maybe even siblings for Ella and I.

Brit 2007-2016

Have you ever dealt with the winter blues or loosing a furbaby? Send me a reply, how long did it take you to get over it?

Does Mama Brain Ever Go Away?

I’d forget my head if it wasn’t attached.

Yes yes I know that saying is said all the time but i’m not kidding. Today I woke up after barely sleeping last night due to my chronic back pain and Ella was awake. I went and grabbed her to lay her down beside me while my husband got ready for work. He rarely works on a Monday so I didn’t think anything about it. Well it wasn’t until after he left that I remembered that I was supposed to go to a meeting for Ella. I felt like such an idiot, as we only have the one vehicle I called everyone I could think of to get a ride. It was a no go. So I had to call up the case manager for Early Intervention and said we would have to reschedule.

Am I gonna be a good advocate for her?

With Ella having a disability there is so much I need to know that I just cannot remember it all. I mean pretty soon we will have to have a meeting to talk about her IEP for preschool. When you have a typically developing child, yeah you gotta know if its a good school but with a special needs child there is SO much more. From IEP to nursing to making sure they are going to treat her right, not like the stories you hear. I just don’t know how to learn about it  all. My mama brain feels like I am in college again.

Thankfully our local Down Syndrome group has a lending library so I borrowed a few books about IEPs and Wrights Law. All of them were written by Paul Wright who is an attorney who specializes in children with special needs rights. I almost got to go to a seminar he was having but wasn’t able to attend then. So much I need to learn and it feels like no time at all to learn it. Ella turns 3 in April which is when Early Intervention ends. So she has to go into preschool to continue to get services. I don’t want to put her on the wrong track in life so I guess its time to crack open the books and start learning.


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What The Doctors Never Told Me

When you are pregnant with your first child it can be scary enough, but when that child you are carrying has something “wrong” with them makes it even worse.

Now I put the word “wrong” in quotes because there is nothing wrong with my daughter, but that’s how the doctors acted. I was about 12 weeks pregnant with my daughter when I got the phone call (yes a phone call) that the MaterniT21  showed that the baby that I was carrying, My baby, would be born with Trisomy 21 or in other words Down Syndrome. They then set up the appointment to discuss our “options”. Now what is the first thing you think of when you hear the words options while you are pregnant…yep that was the first option they gave us. Abortion, amnio or proceed with the pregnancy like normal. Of course we chose to proceed like normal, and they proceeded to tell us all the things that could go wrong.

Things that COULD go wrong

Heart issues

Intellectual delays

Not amounting to much

The list goes on and on. See the thing is most doctors only see what could go wrong. They never tell you what could go right.

They never tell you that that little one will be the best thing that ever came into your life. That their smile is contagious and can light up a room and take all your cares away. They don’t tell you of the family you gain when having a child with Down Syndrome. The support you get when things go wrong and the joy you share when things go right. You become part of a community that no matter what they have your back. You have questions don’t be afraid to ask cause well hey they have been through it.  They don’t tell what beautiful, fun, and loving human beings they can be.

When you go into that appointment don’t dwell on what the doctors tell you could go wrong…Just remember all the things that could and WILL go right.