New Years’ Resolution…So far

Okay so it is a little over halfway through the year and I think its time to reflect on my new years’ resolution.

No Pop/More Water

So this year I decided I was going to give up pop (soda) and drink more water. Well, I am proud to say I have not drunk one all year so far (Yay me). Unfortunately, the water intake is still on the low side. I definitely drink more then I had in the past but it still isn’t where I need to be.

Aint this the truth…

I plan on ordering one of those timed bottles that say ‘Hey drink this much before this time and you are all set” The one I want is like $ 20 dollars on it’s the QuiFit Gallon Portable Daily Water Bottle with Drinking Straw and Motivational Time Marked My favorite is the teal and black color. I want the 128 oz so then I can fill it up at home and not worry about leaving my desk the rest of the day (unless I need ice but I can get that on my lunch break).

Another thing I have been doing to kick the craving for Pop (soda) is I have been drinking these drinks called Body Armor. They are flavored coconut water and it is delicious. My favorite flavor is the watermelon strawberry. It kinda tastes like a melted ring pop which brings up some fun childhood memories.

Weight loss is so stressful

Another New Years’ Resolution I am trying to do is lose the baby weight that I haven’t been able to lose since my youngest. Whom was born 14 months ago. Another reason I dropped the pop (soda). I have been walking more and watching what I eat and such. But unfortunately, I have not lost anything as of yet. If anything I have gained 🙁 . So my husband and I are trying a new thing. For every pound, we lose we put 10 dollars in a jar. When we reach our goal weight we will do something special for ourselves.

We are starting today and hopefully, we can make it happen. Also thankfully we are starting today…my husband has lost 12 pounds since the last time he weighed himself. So go him but I don’t have 120 to put in a jar right now hehe.

So here is to the 2nd half of the year and hope things get better.

Hiatus is Ending…I Hope

Hiatus is Ending….I Hope

Hey guys I apologize for being away for the last few months, and I am hoping this Hiatus is ending now.  It has been a busy couple of months and before I knew it, it was November already…Well in the last few months Ella has started school at Headstart and has been sick a lot (I have heard its normal for the 1st year of school) She has so far missed probably 10+ days of school in 2 months yay…not. I also started working as a teaching aide at a local school so that is exciting. I just hope that I don’t get sick because hey I have some news 🙂

I’m Pregnant 🙂

Yep, we found out in August and currently I am 15 weeks. We did have the harmony test done due to Ella having Down Syndrome. Test results came back that this little one has only a 1 in 10,000 chance of having any chromosomal abnormalities, and this little one is also a GIRL 🙂  We announced on Halloween cause hey why not lol.

A day after we got the confirmation about the pregnancy, I was in a car accident and put enough damage on the truck that we couldn’t afford to fix it. I was fine and baby was fine, we were just without a 2nd vehicle for a while.  I ended up breaking down and getting a mini van….told myself I would never get a mini van but here I am. It is a very nice vehicle and was really nice when we traveled to Missouri a couple of weeks ago. We went to drop of some furniture and visit my sister in law


Well that is all for now I have lots to do today and not a lot of time to do it. Talk to y’all soon

The Loss Of A Parent.

The Loss of a parent.

Last week my husband suffered the loss of a parent. On Thursday August 3rd 2017 at 8:28pm my father in law took his last breath after fighting a long time with congestive heart failure. It wasn’t sudden as he had been on hospice since right after Easter, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I am not one to handle death well, never had been. And I tried so hard to be strong for my husband but it felt impossible. I had just gotten dropped off from spending the day with my mom when we got the news. Gave her a call and told her to turn around as we needed someone to watch Ella while we went to the nursing home to see Dad one last time.

I didn’t know what to do. I tried to put up a front, so I could comfort Johnny but it wasn’t working. I’m an emotional person so the emotions come out whenever. It doesn’t help that at the moment I was between medicine for my depression so my moods were all out of wack. Close family came before the funeral home came and picked him up. I’ve never been in this situation seeing someone after they passed like this. I mean Ive been to many viewings never really able to go up and see as I always broke down. Dad just looked like he was sleeping and would wake up at any second to crack a joke or yell at everyone for crying.

Ella and Papa

I am glad my daughter is so young. I couldn’t have told her her papa was gone and wouldn’t be coming home. She grew up with him around till he went to the nursing home. They ate cheetos together and cheese puff balls and other things they would spend a lot of mornings together munching on different foods.  Ella was papas favorite little girl. She even knew who it was when we would visit. She would want to get out of her stroller and crawl into the hospital bed with him.

I remember when he was in the one nursing home where they had tvs for each bed she would crawl up and cuddle with him. He would turn it to cartoons even if the news was on. He would sneak cookies he wasn’t allowed to have. Just so he would have something to give her when she came and visited. They were best buds. I think I may ask my family to write little stories of Ella and papas time together. Just so she has something to remember him.


This is the last photo we have of them together.

He was a wonderful grandfather to Ella, and he will be missed. Rest in peace Dad hope you are having fun being couch buddies with Brit

Update on Life Ella’s surgery

Update on life: Ella’s surgery

Okay so Update on Life Ella’s Surgery. On July 25th Ella and I spent the night at my moms as she was going to be having dental surgery the next day. I slept on an old pull out in my old bedroom while mom stayed with Ella so that I could get some sleep. I didn’t sleep as the mattress was thin and uncomfortable. Also my pups (who had training that night so she was with us) thought it was time to play.

Next morning we got up super early to take my two sisters to work as my step dad had their van. We then headed down to CHP. As most of you know whom have had surgery you cannot eat after midnight, well try telling a 3 yr old that, the whole drive down Ella was cranky and signing eat. To top it off her surgery wasn’t until 1…Lovely. Well we get down there earlier then our appointment but they took us back anyways. We sat in a room with a hangry Ella and nothing we did seem to help.

Then they told us that they needed to put drops in her eyes as she was having an eye exam too since she never sits still during the actual ones. What I mean by drops are super strong dilation drops, 2 in each eye 3 times 10 min apart…. That did not help with the hangry Ella let me tell you.  So then they came in with a sedative to help calm her down before taking her back, and finally she started to calm down. Then they took her back to start the hour and a half surgery/eye exam.

After surgery.

My mom and I went to get lunch then came back and waited till the doctors came to see us. Eye doctor said that she did need new glasses which didn’t surprise us. Then the dental surgeon came out and said they ended up taking 2 more teeth then planned as they were broke beyond repair. They also put silver caps on 4 of her teeth. 15 min or so after doctors came and updated us we were able to go back and see her in recovery. She looked miserable. Her mouth was all bloody she was sleeping but restless.

They told us we had to get her to wake up and drink 4 oz before we could leave, she wasn’t having it. I think it took 4 hours before we could get her to take anything and it wasn’t even a drink. We got her to eat a pudding cause they said at this point anything we can get into her stomach the better. After that we took a very upset little girl down to the car to take her home. From the time we left recovery to the time we got her in the car she was screaming no matter what we did. When we got in the car we were hoping she would go back to sleep, but she didn’t and she screamed for 3 hours straight.

Car Ride

I was an emotional wreck. My mom cannot drive long distances so I drove, and I had to pull over multiple times to get out and take a breather. It was so hard to drive with my eyes full of tears. I know other moms can understand this. I could not stand to see my baby in pain and it was killing me inside, to the point where I told my husband to drive down and meet us at my moms cause there was no way I could drive without someone with me. Between Shadow and a screaming Ella I knew I wasn’t going to make it home especially on what little sleep I have had.


When we got home finally we still couldn’t get her to drink even her pain meds. Thankfully her main nurse was working that night and was able to get her to take some. I think I was asleep before the nurse even got there all I know is I just wanted to forget that day ever happened. Also I had to work all day the next day. It took her a few days to finally fully drink anything but I am just glad she was eating the soft stuff.


Today she is finally back to eating her favorite foods again and seems to have healed nicely. I am just glad its over

Please Don’t Take It For Granted

Please don’t take it for granted, and by it I mean a normal life.

I will say it again, please don’t take it for granted. As it is summer time I see a lot of posts about vacation or kids spending the night with family. I will say this I am happy for y’all but I am also a little jealous. We don’t get the opportunity to have family getaways or let Ella go spend time with family.

Last year we were invited to go on a week long vacation with my dad. Unfortunately we had to decline because we couldn’t take a nurse with us. We would’ve loved to gone but we wouldn’t have been able to enjoy our vacation we would’ve been sleep deprived.

Last night my brother in law was talking about having Ella having a slumber party at his place when he gets his own place with his fiance. Unfortunately that cant happen since she needs all her machines and it isn’t the easiest thing if you don’t know how to work them.

Our family loves the outdoors and we would love to take Ella to go camping under the stars. She would absolutely love it, but she needs her machines to sleep, and you don’t have electricity in the middle of nowhere.

Do Not Take This Wrong, Please

Please don’t get me wrong I WOULD NOT CHANGE ELLA FOR ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD!!! I just wish we could do things and take her places,is that wrong? I want to take her on a vacation at some point to who knows Disney or something like that. But we will probably have to wait till she gets older to go anywhere so that she understands she needs her machines. And maybe we will be able to lessen the load (have less machines, or at least more compact)

For The Love Of Laundry And All That Is Dirty

For the Love of Laundry and All That is Dirty…

I hate laundry mats….

For the love of laundry and all that is dirty…I Hate Laundry Mats. Okay well that is partially true as I hate having to drive to do laundry. Since our dryer kicked the bucket we have been spending a lot of time at the laundry mat. Mostly, like right now, at 10 o’clock at night. But hey whatever usually at this time its peaceful and quiet and I can sit and read a book or something but man this laundry mat is busier then usual. Oh hey guess what Spin Cycle WOOOHOOO…not…

Anyways I doubt you want to hear about my times spent at the laundry mat I mean how boring is that haha.

Excited Mama Post

So who wants to hear some EXCITING news??? ELLA GOT ACCEPTED TO HEADSTART!!!!! This mama is super proud of her little girl she will be starting full time this fall while still going her 2 half days of her center based classroom, which awesomely enough is right down the hall from headstart.

Besides that she had her pre op appointment today. Next week she goes under again this time for her teeth. Which lets face it are not the greatest, between her sensory issues and having brittle teeth she has at least 3 broken ones up front alone. She wont leaver her moth open enough for anyone to see the back ones but that’s what this surgery will help with too. I have a feeling she is gonna be miserable. I mean when my husband got his done he was. Oh and how in the world are we gonna be able to take care of them if brushing her teeth can sometimes be  problem in itself. All I know is next week is gonna be FUN…pray for t ohis mama :/

Whelp time to switch over laundry bye y’all

Thirty Things To Do Before…

Thirty Things to do Before I’m Thirty

When I was 20 years old I thought why wait to make up a bucket list for when you are dying. So I decided to make a list of 30 things to do before I am 30. I also plan to make a a 40 and a 50 and so on. I have only gotten through 16 and I am already 27 I am thinking of switching to 20 things to do in my 20s but anyways here is my list (also note this list has changed throughout the years as life has changed)

Done 16 out of 30 SOOO MANY TO DO IN 3 YEARS

1. Get a passport (Done (Card))

I got my passport when my husband and I were gonna go to Canada (we didn’t end up going but used it when we went  on our cruise)

2. Go to 15 of the 50 states

I am at 13 so far 🙂

3. Go to Ireland

I have dreamt of going to Ireland since I was a little kid. My grandmother (my Dads mom)  use to sing a song called Molly Malone. My Moms family is Irish and My Dads family is Scottish and German. The full dream is to go to every country we are from, as I have always loved learning about our ancestry.

4. Stand on the state line

Okay so we live not even 20 miles from the state line and we have driven over it many times but I haven’t gotten to stand on it lol.  Maybe later on I can go stand on the 4 corners.

5. Move out of my parents house. (Done)

I moved out of my parents house back in 2012 when I moved into my then boyfriends (now husbands) families house so I could go to school for one semester near them to finish my degree.

6. Start my own Photography business (Done)

I started this back in 2008ish but definitely have more work to do.

7. Be successful in said business

This may take longer then 3 years but I have faith in God and myself that I can make this happen.

8. Learn to play piano

I know the basics but it will take me awhile to get it down. I have an issue (that runs on my moms side) where it is hard for my 2 hands to do 2 different things at once so when I try to do a chord on one hand and play the melody with my right hand it doesn’t always work out.

9. Learn to play guitar

Same as above the issue makes strumming hard.

10. Start a non-profit. ( I was apart of a start up so Done)

Last year I was blessed to be apart of the start of LEADS which is a non profit for families with members whom have disabilities.

11. Learn to swim

Okay so I know how to swim its the wading in the water that is hard for me.

12. Do something Important (Done)

I may be biased but I think that raising Ella is important 🙂

13. Do something worth remembering (Done)

I think going through a major surgery to save my daughters life is worth remembering.

14. Be an advocate for my daughter (Done)

I will always be an advocate for my daughter. Feel free to follow her Facebook page, A little Dragonflys journey with down syndrome – Ellas story

15. Go on a missions trip

I may not be able to go on one far away but maybe a local one I could do, because I would love too.

16. Write something that gets published (Done)

My blog post “What the Doctors never told me” got published on The Mighty 🙂

17. Finish one of my stories

I love to write non-fiction stories….was told in college that I should be a writer (One of my professors read the beginning of one of my stories and told me I need to finish it and get it published cause she couldnt put it down)

18. Get a picture published (Done)

I did get a picture published in my college newspaper.

19. Take a picture for an art gallery

I am not sure why, but I always wanted to get a picture put into an art gallery, I think that would be such an honor.

20. Finish College (Done)

WOOOHOOO and man let me tell you it took forever. It then took 2 years after I graduated to get my diploma.

21. Visit NYC

One day I would love to go to a broadway musical and then visit Times Square.

22. Get a better camera

The one I have is fine for small things, but with what I want to do in the future of my photography I definitely need a new one.

23. Build up enough endurance to be able to run without my asthma kicking in

I have really bad endurance asthma, so it makes it really hard to run exercise and things like that. I am really hoping I can get it under control so I can one day do a 5k.

24. Get student loans out of collections (Done)

I was able to get that done this year and I also got it fixed so I can actually afford payments.

25. Pay off 2 of the 4 other debts I have

My 2 smaller ones shouldn’t be that hard….should it? Then I will work on the larger ones. That will be for the next 10 years.

26. Get my license (Done)

Okay so I may have been 25 when I got it, but that doesn’t make it any less done.

27. Get a car (Done)

I am thankful my dad gifted me his old one when he got a new one.

28. Fall in love (with someone who is worthy of me) (Done)

Sometimes ya gotta be silly 🙂

This one took a long time, through a lot of heartache and pain till I finally found someone who cares for me, through all my flaws and anxiety and depression he still loves me for who I am.

29. Get Married (Done)

I am so excited to say that we will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary this September. 🙂

30. Start a family. (Done)

This photo is 2 years old but I still love it

It might not have been in the most traditional way, like getting married first, but I wouldn’t change it for a thing.

Dear Disney Junior…..Thank You

Dear Disney Junior…..THANK YOU.

Dear Disney Junior, as I sit here watching Doc Mcstuffins for the upteen billionth time, I come to the realization this is such an amazing show, especially when you have a medically fragile child. Okay my daughter is only three so she doesn’t fully understand the whole concept. Though i know when she is older it will probably help her out more then you realize. Now that you even came up with the Toy Hospital concept it makes it even better. My daughter Ella is going to be having yet another surgery in a few weeks. Even though its just dental surgery to get some teeth removed but still she’ll be put under. She Has Down Syndrome, AVSD (Repaired), and sleep apnea, as a mom I’m always scared when she gets put under.

How the show can help and is helping children.

Okay so back to the show, I love the episode that has Niki Nickleson going to the ER for the 1st time. It also shows how different machines work and how they can help show what is wrong. I mean in the one episode where Willow Whiskers needs a C.A.T scan Doc even tells her what it means. It also helps showing how Stuffy was scared of the ambulance, yet that emt was so helpful and kind. How awesome is that.  It will help kids understand that its okay to be scared, but the doctors, nurses, emts and other medical personnel are there to help you. I can go on and on about how that show shows kids that even though hospitals and doctors look scary they are there to help you feel better

Ella has been in the hospital multiple times, has had multiple surgeries and still goes to so many Dr. Appointments. She will probably have more in her future, but as a little kid she doesn’t understand. Though I am so thankful for this show growing up watching this show I know she will learn that its okay. So again thank you Disney Junior and creator Chris Nee for this show, because this show is such a blessing in our lives. And the lives of families of medically fragile children.




*I do not own this photo*

What Is Financial Peace???

What is Financial Peace??? And Where the heck do I find it???

So last year I started trying to follow Dave Ramsey and he talks a lot about financial peace. You know the whole live debt free, or as he likes to say “If you live like no one else, then you can live like no one else”.  I have such a hard time trying to follow that. Not saying it’s a hard method to follow its just hard to follow when the money isn’t coming in.

My husband got laid off the week before Christmas and has yet to find another job. So I went out and applied to be a substitute teacher and finally after all the clearances and training I can finally start. Now since I can’t guarantee that I will be getting a that many jobs tomorrow I am going out and applying at a local bar/restaurant to try and be a waitress. I have never done that before but I am just trying to make a bit of money. Like I said in a previous post I am scared, anxious and not looking forward to it. I hate the thought of leaving Ella. Hell even leaving the house sometimes scares the crap out of me. But sometimes you just have to fight yourself to get done what needs done. That struggle isn’t an easy one at all.

How I got in this mess.

Everyone has their stupidities right? Well when I was in college, I was determined to build my credit up so when I graduated I could move out of my moms. I got my first credit card during college, it was a chase card with a basic $300 dollar limit. That wasn’t the only one. I then got 3 more which wouldn’t have been all that bad if I stuck to my original plan. Buy something small then pay it off in full every month. Well things came up (don’t they always) and I spent more then I wanted to.

First I got my ex a new phone and put him on my cell phone plan and got a wedding band for him since we were engaged. Then I had friends who were in a rough spot so i felt the need to help them with the thought of them paying me back when they could. You can see where this is heading right. All I wanted to do was help people and that’s what I did. To be honest I was still doing fine, or so I thought. Then the New Years Eve before we were going to get married…my ex broke up with me. Since he was on my cell phone plan he said he would help pay for it, and I believed him.

Well he never did, so I canceled his phone. Because it was under contract, I had to pay a cancellation fee then also pay for the phone. So all in all that cost around a grand…

Then I went on my internship that I needed to graduate college, so I didn’t work for a long time and things fell behind and everything started going downhill. I never recovered.

How I plan on getting peace for our family.

That was 5 years ago so as you can imagine interest, collections…and then student loans came into play also. Anyways…Now that the back story is done and over with let’s turn this over to positivity ok…Ok 🙂

So as I stated earlier I currently am a sub for our local school district. Tomorrow I have an interview at the bar/restaurant and hopefully it goes well. It is killing me inside doing this but I am determined to get at least non student loans paid off this year. I am starting with the Dave Ramsey 7 baby steps. For those who don’t know what those are they go as followed:

  • $1,000 to start an Emergency Fund
  • Pay off all debt using the Debt Snowball
  •  3 to 6 months of expenses in savings
  • Invest 15% of household income into Roth IRAs and pre-tax retirement
  • College funding for children
  • Pay off home early
  • Build wealth and give!

I feel bad for my husband seeing as 95% of our family debt is unfortunately mine. Thankfully he understands ya know things happen and such. I just wish I didn’t have all of this debt in the first place. I know I cannot change the past but I know that with work I can change the future. As a child who grew up in poverty, I don’t want my daughter to grow up like that. Thankfully she is young enough to not really realize what is going on so I am hoping by that time we are in a better place and more financially stable. I just hope it doesn’t take long…or that my anxiety and depression can be kept in check so I can deal with it all.

Well that’s all for now. Thanks for reading 🙂

I Am Going Back To Work

Am I seriously going back to work???

Yep I am…how do I feel about it? Well not to great to be honest. I am freaking out. I haven’t worked in almost 3 years. And to be honest I really don’t wanna go back but in order to get our finances in order this is something I have to do. What am I doing you might ask? Well I have decided to put my degree to use and do something that needs a degree. I am going to be a substitute teacher for our local schools. I am starting out as a substitute for the IU. Which for those who don’t know what that is, it is the Intermediate Unit which are classes in local schools for special needs students.

Am I nervous???

HECK YEAH…Tuesday next week is my observation day and I am a nervous wreck. Not because I am leaving Ella, because my husband will be home with her, but I am nervous to fail. Having really bad anxiety stupid me decided to go do something that requires me to stand in front of a classroom. I have taught before, not in a school setting though. I taught as an intern at a photography studio that also taught classes. That wasn’t to hard but it was also something I knew a lot about.

Now starting out I am going into the local Elementary School and I will go from there. I figure as I have also helped with bible study at church and babysat the kids that the younger kids would be an easy start. One thing I am excited about though is working with kids with special needs. As a mom with a little girl with special needs herself, helping others with disabilities makes my heart fill with joy. Also I enjoy the fact that I can work as little or as much as I want. As a mama to a daughter with special needs that is crucial, it will also help with my anxiety I hope. Today my little sister got me a new lunch box and a whole thing of pens, markers, pencils and such and it all became so real. I start next week.

So if everyone could say a little prayer for me I would very much appreciate it. I plan on updating my teaching story as I go on, so I hope you follow along 🙂