For this post Down Syndrome Awareness Month: Day #3 Welcome to the World Little One, it may be a little graphic and also may trigger someone so please read with that in mind.
Routine Check Up???
At 40 weeks plus 1 to 3 days (we were never given an exact due date with Ella) we got all dressed up planning on going out after my appointment for one last date night before Ella came along. At that point, our appointments looked something like this.
1. Visit with the Doctor
2. Non Stress test (sitting in a chair for like an hour just monitoring Ella)
So we went in and talked to the doctor. She also did an exam to see how close Ella was to making her arrival. So after the exam, she had said she didn’t want us to go any further in the pregnancy. So she wanted to induce me. (give me medication to put me into labor).
She let us know she would schedule the induction for the following day at 5:30 am.
The non-stress test went smoothly as it usually does.
After the non-stress test, we were taken over to the ultrasound room. Everything was going as planned until the technician went to check the fluid around Ella. She tried multiple sections of fluid space and still couldn’t find what she needed. What we found out is that in order for babies to survive in the womb they need at least a 2×2 square of the fluid. The technician could not find that 2×2 square. So for the last week (I had weekly ultrasounds at this point), I had been leaking fluid and not even knowing it.
As a result of the findings, the doctor let us know we were not leaving. And we would be having a baby tonight. I was so excited to say welcome to the world little one.
Panic or Excitement??? I couldn’t tell.
Well so much for one last date night. My stomach was in knots, but I couldn’t tell if I was panicking or excited. We called our parents and let them know that we would be welcoming Ella to the world that evening. And we headed to the hospital. Which was right across the street from the doctor’s office so not too far.
When we get there we check-in and they take us back to triage. From there they do all of our intake information, you know name insurance so on and so forth. And I change into a lovely hospital gown…please note my sarcasm here. So after they get our information, they start the medication to induce labor and once the room was ready they wheeled us up. Getting even more excited to say welcome to the world little one.
When we got to the room, everything started to become real. I waited patiently for my mom to get there, yes I wanted my mother there. When she finally arrived my contractions had started. Now everyone I know who has been induced said that induction contractions are the worst. For me, it was more of a dull ache the whole time and honestly, it didn’t hurt that bad. When the doctor came in I was dreading it.
I should mention a little side note here. The OB office I went to I never stayed with any particular doctor towards the end of my pregnancy because I did not know anyone that well. The nurse practitioner I usually went to did not do the actual delivery. So I went here towards the end.
Back to why I was dreading it when the doctor came in. This doctor is the one who basically told us that Ella would not amount to anything and we should abort her. So we are already on a rocky start. She comes in and says we need to break your water.
This is another thing that people had told me about, which is it would feel weird but not painful. Unfortunately, this was not the case. When the doctor went in to break the water she went in sideways. Picture this you are bowling and obviously, you want it to go down the center to get all the pins right. Well, the way this doctor did this she took the ball and went straight for the gutter (aka the side). It hurt so bad that I started bawling.
She then told me that since I couldn’t stand that she is ordering an epidural since I obviously wasn’t going to be able to handle childbirth. I felt bullied into it. When going into this I had wanted to have an all-natural birth experience. But I was young and trusted my doctor to know what is best for me so I did what she wanted.
That is when things went down hill…
After the epidural was given the nurses came in more often, to reposition me. The doctor also came in looking concerned. After this happening a few times I asked what was going on. Come to find out that after the epidural was placed Ella’s heart rate had started to drop and when they repositioned me it only helped for a little bit and then her heartrate would drop again.
The doctor came in and said well unfortunately the baby is not handling labor and we need to pull you in for emergency C-section…
I was in shock… Not only did the doctor make me feel like weakling because of the whole epidural thing but now she was making it sound like my baby was dying. The tears started falling at that point. I was scared. I was the girl who prided herself in never needing surgery, stiches, or even broken a bone. And now I am going in for a major surgery to save my baby girl.
Only one person was allowed to come with me back to surgery so of course, my husband was going. I was having a panic conversation with my mom (who had had 5 C-sections with us kids) feeling like a failure. All because I could not have my baby naturally. While having this conversation my husband was getting into this fancy get-up to go into the operating room. Then my mom left and they started prepping me for surgery.
So after what felt like forever, they wheeled me off to the O.R. and my anxiety started going at full force. They wouldn’t let my husband in right away and I was scared. There were a lot of men in there and because of an incident when I was younger, I was petrified. They were just about to start surgery when they finally let my husband in.
I laid there feeling cold and exposed. I tried to make jokes by asking my husband ‘can you see my organs’ or ‘take pictures so I can see it later’. See I was trying to distract myself. Also in all honesty I wanted to see. I wanted to see the birth of our little girl, I was feeling cheated. I wanted to be the first one to say welcome to the world little one.
Welcome to the World Little One.
After what felt like forever I hear it. The one noise every mama wants to hear when delivering a baby. I heard her cry. Welcome to the world little one I said in my head. They took her right over to the side to do all the necessary checks and they let her daddy hold her.
That’s another thing you feel cheated from. Being able to hold your baby first. You carry her for 9 months and you want to be the 1st to hold her, but your arms are strapped down and cannot move.
So my husband brings Ella over and that was when we picked her name. Eleanore Katherine, meaning Pure (Katherine) Light (Eleanore)
“May you touch dragonflies and stars, dance with fairies, and talk to the man in the moon. May you grow up with love and gracious hearts and people who care. Welcome to the world, little one. It’s been waiting for you.”
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A little Dragonfly’s Journey with Down Syndrome Ellas’ Story
Read day #1 here Down Syndrome Awareness Month: Day #1 Diagnosis
Read Day #2 Here Down Syndrome Awareness Month: Day #2 Extra Appointments